How to Set Boundaries With a Gossipy Coworker

How to Set Boundaries With a Gossipy Coworker Every workplace is filled with interesting personalities including frustrating ones.If you feel like youre surrounded by difficult people at the office, take heart. Youre not alone. Studies have found that one in eight people leave a job due to problems with coworkers.Gossiping co-workers can be the most problematic of all. Not only do they distract you and drain your energy, but the negativity can have a damaging impact on your professional reputation.As if you needed another reason to keep the chitchat in check, a psychological phenomenon known as spontaneous trait inference means that every time youre involved with gossip, people start to perceive you as a gossip and may begin to question your motives or conclude youre untrustworthy.In a professional setting, theres really no excuse for bad-mouthing anyway be it your client, colleague or CEO so here are three ways to deal with gossip at work.1. Empathize and redirectGossip is a comp ensatory strategy often used to cover low-self esteem or feelings of powerlessness. Its likely your coworker is communicating this way albeit passively aggressively and manipulatively to seek connection. Your colleague may also get to feel superior by putting others down.Theres a simple formula you can use to distance yourself from the dynamic while keeping relationships intact empathize and redirect.First, empathize. Acknowledge your coworkers reaction, addressing the deeper, human need below the surface. The real reason they may be gossiping is that they want to feel heard and validated.Then, use redirection. Maybe you nudge the person towards a solution by saying something like Ugh, it sucks to feel like youre undervalued. You should talk directly with your boss about this. Or encourage them to focus on what is working by saying something like It sounds like the situation is still bothering you. That sucks. For now, lets talk about how things are going with the new project your e working on.This step doesnt magically change passive-aggressive behavior, but it does take you out of the role of enabling it by saying nothing.2. Get assertiveI find that many people, especially those who are kind and compassionate, simply never learn how to set limits with gossips. They play the role of good listener, but unintentionally get roped into drama. If this sounds like you, its important to learn how to set boundaries with passive aggressive people who gossip and to develop mora assertiveness skills so you can excuse yourself when gossip starts to happen.Get honest about how you may be contributing to the unhealthy dynamic in place. For instance, do you idly sit by instead of speaking up when someone trash talks a client? Do you engage in a little too much water cooler gossip?3. Be the changeInstead of harping on negativity in your conversations, focus on positive gossip. Make it a point to say nice things about people behind their back. Recognize other people for thei r good traits. Applaud their efforts. Celebrate their successes. Youll find that the good vibes come back around to you, too.--